Advent Conspiracy

In the current economic climate, there are a lot of people who will struggle more than usual through this holiday season. I personally, have no money to contribute to gift giving of the standard variety this year. Rather than being discouraged, though, I’ve opened up my my box of creative possibilities to serve and give from my heart, rather than my pocketbook.

A few ideas that I have thought of immediately are:

*Clean out closets and donate to homeless and women’s shelter’s.
*Donate extra coats and blankets to homeless and women’s shelter’s or take a journey downtown and hand deliver them to whomever you’ve been lead to.
*I love to bake. The time and love poured into baking and cooking for others is a sure way to warm a heart, as well as the tum! And when has a homemade cookie ever NOT put a smile on your face?!
*I have several hidden gifts of the creative variety that I plan to utilize for blessing others. What do you do with your hands that could bless someone?
*It seems the hand written blessing has gone by the wayside with today’s modern technology. Tell someone how much they mean to you in your own words; your own handwriting.

These are just a few ideas that I have up my sleeve. Do you have any other ideas? Please comment and share your ideas so that we may all benefit and spread love and joy this Christmas Season with the gift of our TIME.

Thank You!

Thank you, dear brother and sister-in-law, for sending for the babe and I, Mom and Gramma, so that we could all spend Thanksgiving dinner together. Even though you just received a pay cut just before the holidays, you dug deep into your pockets for the best present we could ever receive: Time. We don't see each other very often now that you've moved away, but I will remember this forever. Thank you.

Thank you, employer, for keeping me through the holidays. In the current economic climate, it is a privilege and a blessing to have employment while I watch multitudes around me lose their jobs.

Thank you rain, all of it, for most of the year...because without it, Oregon would not be as lush and beautiful and green an amazing wonder to look at every single day of the year.

Thank you, technology, for allowing communication to happen quickly and easily no matter the distance that parts any of us.

Thank you, comfort food. Just because. :O)

Thank you, Blogger and other blog hosts for opening up a world of community that may not have ever been known without you. I now have friends from afar that I would not have known any other way. My world has been enriched.

Thank you, peace and quiet, when I am graced with it. It's where my batteries are recharged.

Thank you, church family, for loving me so unconditionally; for always knowing what I need, when I need it, and for helping when I'm afraid or stubborn or too prideful to ask.

Thank you, musically gifted individuals, for creating amazing sensation for the ears, mind, body and soul. Music moves me.

Thank you, friends, who I could not live without. My world is a better place because simply knowing you, makes me a better person. Thank you, for loving me.

Thank you sanity, for appearing when life would otherwise dictate insanity's presence.

Thank you, dear daughter, who fills me with so much joy, I almost can't stand it sometimes. I am blessed beyond measure!

Thank you, clients, for allowing me to capture your special moments and joy. Sharing a morsel of your world is priceless to me and I am enriched more than I could have ever imagined.

Thank you, childcare provider, for loving my daughter (and me) as one of your own, and taking such good care of her...you are the only ones I didn't feel I had to compromise my values for.

Thank you, America, for the freedom and abundance that we live in today. It's so easy to take it all for granted, but I appreciate the opportunity to be whatever it is I choose to be. Thank you for allowing us choices that so many do not know.

Thank you, washer and dryer, for getting all the dirt out, with relatively little effort on my part.

Thank you, Grace, for giving me the eyes to see that in a world that is broken, that there is hope and joy and peace in spite of it all; and we are all brothers and sisters, equal in our gifts and strife, together.

Thank you, Jesus, for saving me. I have been freed from a heavy cloud of burden and pain and released into the freedom that is hope, in You.

Thank you, God, for creating all things so beautifully and magically. I'm so blessed to reside in such wonder and amazement.

Fall

I just had a little epiphany. :O)

Fall...that time of year when all the leaves on the trees die and it gets cold and everything rests for a while...but with the promise of renewal in the Spring. I've been taking pictures of the leaves and colors and have never truly SEEN the colors of Fall until this year, as I've been capturing them through the lens of my camera. How amazing, breathtaking, and beautiful the landscape becomes...when things DIE?!

After the Fall...of man...we as humans became filled with self. And from that point forward we as a human race have been seeking to find our way back to our core; our Creator. This process is dying to thy self. DYING. But always with the promise of renewal, of Spring. We don't usually look at the process of dying to anything as beautiful, though. It is uncomfortable and painful and downright ugly sometimes. But if we redirected our focus to look at the process of dying, as a beautiful thing, like the changing of the leaves in the Fall, we might feel more inclined to embrace the process and joyfully anticipate the season of renewal that we know is around the bend.

:O)

The Least of These

As the Season of Giving approaches, it's easy to consider all those who are less fortunate. It is my personal desire to incorporate a year long season of giving, into my life; to think of others always, before myself. And not just this coming year, but for the rest of my life.

As a single woman, it can be a bit intimidating to consider how to help because the environments in which the poor and homeless reside are not always the safest. I'd like to offer a few ideas that I have been prompted to in the past few months.

There is a local market downtown (Portland Saturday Market) that is in the neighborhood of the homeless. Because there are so many people, it is a safe place to be, if alone, to do 'something'. A few weeks ago I felt compelled to go and take pictures. I have a zoom lens so was able to capture the life without intruding into their space. What I have done with these photos is post them to my photo blog and have drawn attention to a ministry that actively assists with helping them, called Bowls of Grace. I plan to create a book for them with my pictures to assist them with their ministry outreach efforts. While I was there, I had the opportunity to chat with a couple of individuals who live the life. They approached me, so I feel like they were God led. They were who I was to go downtown to see. And they asked me to pray for them, which was an amazing privilege to do. I learned during this trip that when He asks us to go...that if we just go, He will guide us and protect us and give us the resources that we need to accomplish His purpose.

I have felt a pressing to minimize and simplify the abundance of 'stuff' in my house. Stuff is just stuff. Why do I have so much stuff? I don't need it all. So I will donate my 'stuff' to the local GoodWill in order to allow them to help others who are in need. We don't always have to be on the front line to still make a difference.

I will be donating all my extra clothes to the women's shelter.

I currently work for an organization that makes shoes. Sometimes freebies are available for the taking. I've recently collected some shoes and t-shirts that I intend to bring to those in need. Any opportunity that I see/find that is giving away freebies, I first consider the needs of those who are without.

I have a collection of coats I've collected over the years and I plan to take them downtown sometime soon to pass out to whomever God leads me to.

For Thanksgiving, a friend of mine always receives a turkey for free from work. We intend to cook it up and make turkey sandwiches out of it, and provide a good turkey sandwich to those who live downtown.

I've had the opportunity to be a part of a Bowls of Grace outreach downtown and its amazing the stereotypes we create in our mind about who really lives on the streets. On one occassion we served over 200 homeless and I was surprised to know that there were only a very very small handful that were visibly drunk or on drugs (because that is what I have thought of them). The individuals I was able to speak to were genuinely humble folks who hit a rough spot and were in transition. Some are very ashamed, but are working on finding their way 'home'. My heart broke for them.

Taking a giant leap of faith to step into the world of the oppressed is a life changing experience to say the least. It truly puts into perspective the abundance that we are surrounded with.

I'm in the process of finding a new job and the job that I anticipate obtaining will provide me a great deal more of a salary than I am currently receiving. It would be very easy for me to think first about myself and about what I'm going to do with my new found 'wealth' (vacations are usually the first thing in my mind). But all I 'need' is enough to keep the roof over our head, clothes on our back, and food in our bellies. The rest of the 'stuff' is just 'stuff'. In contemplating my journey to the heavenlies (which could happen at any moment), I've thought long and hard about the legacy I will leave. Will it be found in the 'stuff' that is collecting dust in my garage? Probably not. Will it be found in the coat that I give to somebody who is cold? Or the warm sandwich to the growling stomach that hasn't had a meal in a while? I am rich beyond measure to have a roof, food and clothes. The essentials we so take for granted are not a privilege for a great deal of Americans. Here...the land of the FREE...is so incredibly oppressed beneath the obsession with self. How many financially rich people are happy because of their wealth? Probably not many. But richness and fullness is realized when handing someone something that seems so trivial to me. What about a warm hug and a smile on a cold day? Because beneath the dirty clothes and exterior is a heart that deserves some warmth and love, too.

Matthew 29:40
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

There Will Be a Day

Sometimes a song will come out that grips my heart and soul...like God Himself has wrapped his giant arms around me and I'm so full of hope and love and if for only a moment, I feel absolutely complete, in His presence. This song has done that, but this time its like a huge hug that will be followed by a lengthy time apart...like when your best friend moves away and it will be a long while before you see them again. You know you will...but the missing them seems so agonizing. There's another song called 'Homesick' by Mercy Me... I've never really felt this kind of homesickness until now. My heart aches to just be 'home'...where there will be no more pain; no more worry; no more fears. But my hope for that is what keeps me alive. What an incredible anticipation... :O)

Why do I Fight...

There are times when my heart hurts...it yearns fulfillment...the kind that makes me feel as if I'm going to burst, but without pain...instead, overwhelming joy. I think fondly of people who've been brought to my heart, and then taken or removed. I don't understand sometimes how/why our will cannot be enough to make it work. But His Will is greater than anything we can know for ourselves...particularly in the moments we are yearning so deeply.

It is healthy to yearn. It means there's something more.

If I could just relax into His embrace...and find comfort there. He wants me to take the hands that are holding me, right now. Relax into them. And breathe. His hands are holding me.

The Unpopularity of Love

I have struggled quite a lot with expressing my faith outwardly on a public forum. At first it was about acceptance and potential judgment and you know...being an on fire Christian is not always a popular thing. But that fear has been set aside. It is who I am. I live, eat, breath...Jesus. And I'm grateful for the freedom to express that.

I watched a short snipit of 'Trading Spouses' last night before I put thy lovely to bed. A Christian mama was traded with an 'alternative lifestyle' mama and I was frustrated and amazed at the same time with this episode. First...the Christian mama...is the reason why Christianity is so unpopular. Judgment reigned. She tried to press her beliefs onto the family she was visiting and the young boy (he must have been around 9?) was visibly disturbed by her. The amazing thing is that the alternative Dad, the one you might EXPECT to be judgmental and harsh, was completely accepting of her and cried when he couldn't understand what was distressing his son so much. He wanted him to accept her and give her a chance. WOW. The Lord works in mysterious ways, but just because we have Jesus doesn't mean we have some superior authority over the lives of others. And just because someone looks differently on the outside doesn't mean they are awful human beings. We are all God's children. Individual and different and valuable all the same. It hurts my heart to see/watch people hurting each other. LOVE one another.

I accidentally bumped into a website yesterday that shocked me. A man who has been a Christian for 23 years decided to unravel his faith and the faith of his family, and become athiest. I can't wrap my brain around that decision. Because walking with Jesus brings more hope and joy than I have ever known in my entire life. What devastating thing happened that would deter him so extremely? He made a list...and it had everything to do with how the 'church' has dictated his faith. My heart breaks into a million pieces. The church was designed to love and encourage one another...not try to stuff them into a box that they feel should be the way that God would have them behave. God is not this way. God is good and loving and pours out His goodness to us. God made us each individually and He speaks to each of us individually. None of us fit into a box. PEOPLE are fallible and struggling and broken. And broken people hurt each other. But if we can accept all broken people for who they are and love them anyway...because God loves them; because he loves US...how many more people could see the face of God? If we just let people be different and value them for the gifts that God has given them, and encourage them towards those gifts. And allow people to be fallible, because not one of us is perfect. We all have struggles and insecurities and we've all been hurt to our core. The peace I find in my heart now doesn't mean I've somehow elevated my 'status' among my peers. What my peace has done is want to share it...and LOVE people because that is how I received my peace...by being loved. And really...loving people is so easy when we look at them through a window not tainted by our own broken image. And through this image, freedom reigns.

Been Thinkin' About...

Moods. Somewhere along life's journey I learned that moods were bad. Moods are wrong. I do realize today that moods are normal. If you don't have moods you might need to check your pulse. But it never fails that when my mood declines a bit, that I start to beat myself up. And then I think too much about how I shouldn't be moody and I put on a happy face and then I think about how fake I am and how I look to others and yada yada yada. How annoying!

I've never been a person who lashes out in my moods. I always lash IN. But in my lashing IN, I carry the burden of so much responsibility in the way that others feel. I question every word I say; every move I make. Insecurity reigns. It's awful.

I know that this particular mood is hormonally induced. Stinks being a woman sometimes. But it seems half my life has been and is battling this particular mood swing. I don't feel worthy. I don't feel hopeless, but my self-image declines and I wonder who in the world would/could ever love me, let alone accept me even in the slightest with all my imbalances (there's really not that many, but my little mole hill becomes a mountain under the microscope of this mood). Why would anyone choose to be with someone who is so off balance? Have I mentioned how awful it is?

I know today and can acknowledge this 'temporary' state of being. It doesn't define who I am. People probably don't see it much unless I point at it. I may become a little bit distant, but those closest to me know that I just need a time out. And its really that simple. They don't all suddenly decide that since I'm having a mood that they can't be my friend anymore. It's really a terrible perspective to have. It's a burden that has gotten better over the years, but still plagues me.

I think the worst part about this particular mood is that I focus so much on MYSELF. It is my life endeavor these days to think less about myself and more about how I can help another. Perhaps there is a testimony in here somewhere about how even though I have moods that edge up to depression at times, that I am still free. Jesus saves me from the agonies of the world...and myself. This mood is biological. I'm not going to be judged because I have a body that happens to be woman that happens to produce brain altering chemicals that swing me off balance a bit.

I was listening to the radio this morning and was so inspired by a story I heard. Janine was a prostitute, drug addict, and drug dealer for 18 years, but by the Grace of God was saved 7 years ago. Have you ever spoken to someone who is in the middle of a life this devastating? They are angry. They are dishonest. They are not at peace in their souls and they let everyone know about it. Her voice over the radio was the voice of an angel. I would bet that she still has demons that might creep up on her from time to time, but the miracle that has happened to her that changed her life was Jesus and all the hurt and turmoil was gone. And now she seeks to reach out to others who are where she was. Amazing and heart warming story.

All of that to say that if I stay inside my little bubble of self, then the world looks pretty dismal. My moods are not the big picture. My mood is just a speed bump that I have to consider navigating over slowly. The world is not about ME and what happens to ME, but what I can gather from ME to help another. I am but a vessel to bless another. I found this video this morning that really speaks to this. It really puts things into perspective about my current state of being. I may be miserable at the moment and having a little pity party, but oh how I take my life for granted. So today I'll be focusing on ignoring ME and my mood and seeking out blessings for others. What can I do for you today?

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Word of God, Speak

I pray/journal unceasingly. It took me a while to realize what that means, but with every beautiful thing, I praise my Heavenly Father for giving me eye and senses candy to revel in. And when things are confusing and perplexing I ask the questions to find answers. The questions are posed more in my journals than in my head because if I put it down in writing, I can at least look at it, reflect on it, and later on see how my prayers/questions have been answered. It's a system that is really starting to flourish and work wonders for me. I have journals at work, in my purse, on my beside table, and in multiple other locations because if something strikes me, I need to be able to let it out.

My workday mornings I have a ritual of taking my journal into the 'prayer chambers' (hehe) in order to pray/write/reflect in private and without distraction. I'm not a morning person, so getting up earlier to accomplish this just doesn't work. Once I'm awake, I love mornings, but it's the getting up part that is so difficult. Don't think that is going to change much. So...I'm usually awake by the time I get to work, so it's the first thing on my agenda.

I mentioned in a former post that there's this 'pattern' I have with men...being perpetually attracted to those that are not available and not being able to receive love from those that are. Without digging into the psychology of why this is, I prayed this morning, the following...

Lord, I wonder...why we are allowed to go to the vulnerable places in our hearts with someone, if you're not going to allow it to work? It confuses me. I realize we learn along the way, and we aren't really promised anything earthly. But I'm perplexed.

I mentioned somewhere along the way that I didn't need an answer today because while I am and have been perplexed for some time, I have a grounded peace in my soul that my faith will carry me through. I'm just tossing it out there for consideration.

This doesn't happen all the time. Rarely. Maybe even never happened before now...but I got an answer 5 minutes later. I was reading a devotional (My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers) that first has this scripture:

John 11:40 Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"

And then this...the answer...

Faith must be tested because it can only become your intimate possession through conflict.

WOW.

If I haven't mentioned how amazing God is, lately...He is truly amazing. He may speak to others differently, but He pretty much answers my questions directly via scripture and other readings. I may have an underlying sense but if there's any confusion, then it is confirmed with scripture. I LOVE THAT! He speaks TO ME. :O) I don't know that I'll ever get over the awe of that. Because every time he speaks or answers something, I am immediately placed on this fabulous floating cloud of wonder and amazement. And am filled with joy and love and peace...that He really is with me. I'd like to have constand affirmation from Him, but then I might start taking it for granted.

You know what else is pretty nifty (besides it being Friday, a short Friday, and a short Friday before a long weekend)? Just this morning as I was driving into work, I asked God to reveal Himself to me. I was feeling a little parched of His presence. And He is faithful to those who ask. :)

He asks us to be as little children before Him...and I don't know how to be any other way! I get so excited! And I want to share and dance around and just be a giddy little girl! Because He spoke to ME! And He loves ME!

WooHoo!

Self-Focus

I was chatting with a friend of mine last night about life...solving the world's problems, as they say. (who are 'they'?) Great conversation, as always, but we reached a place in the conversation that was painful. Reflecting on decisions I've made/not made, choices and patterns, etc. It seems I've had this pattern with men in my life of finding myself attracted to those who are perpetually unavailable and not being able to 'receive' those who are more than available and willing to offer me the world. Why is this, I wonder? Does being attracted to those not available perpetuate and validate underlying worth 'issues'? As long as I'm pining over someone who won't/can't return the sentiment, it is safe to have these feelings...and there's no responsibility attached. And actually allowing someone to love me would require opening myself up to a deeper vulnerability and responsibility to make it work; to not fail.

The deeper question, though, is why the first instinct is always to point at what is wrong. If it didn't work for whatever reason...why am I wrong in the choices/decisions I've made? What if... all the psychology of the world's view is consumed and overwhelmed with focus on thyself...and what is wrong...and what needs to be fixed. What if...Jesus already fixed it. He's wiped the slate clean. I am a new creations. Everything that is and was and will be is part of who I am... But all He's asking us to do is focus on Him; today; right now. He will handle the details of our lives, one detail at a time. Is it our human nature to be so self-focused? Or is it a ploy from the enemy...because as long as we are self-focused, then we are not focused on His truth; His divine presence and guidance in the very moment that we are existing.

I find so much freedom when I redirect focus off of myself. Yet, I always find myself going back there. Perhaps its just a part of our human nature to do so and in time, the habit will be formed to stay focused on God. For now, after I've gone there...plunged to the depths of 'what was' and got intimate with the pain again... I've found my way out of the mess and rested my head on the chest of the One who saved me from that pain. He has His arms wrapped around me in a loving embrace, stroking my hair, comforting me, and letting me know that I don't have to go there anymore. What I need to focus on now is who He is; who I am in His sight; and with eyes forward to all the goodness that He will have for me, free from the bondage of what was.

I know nothing in my own understanding. There are reasons for everything happening in this life...even our decisions based on former pains. But sometimes things will never be understood at our carnal human level. We won't see the truth in its fullness until the day we cross over and find ourselves hob-nobbing with our savior in the heavenlies.

Dying to Thyself

My Soul aches. The profound ache of loss.

When I was pregnant, while I loved it, I couldn't wait for it to be over. To deliver this new beginning...this wonder. After I delivered her, of course the tum that so bulbously pronounced itself, was gone. I would always place my right hand on the side of my tum to feel her kicking. She was still in there; alive and well and making her presence ever known. Once I delivered her, though, out of habit, I placed my hand on my side and I suddenly missed being pregnant. It took me a week to get over placing my hand on my tum. It was gone; she was gone. As uncomfortable as it was, I got used to her being in there. And now I have to get used to her in a different perspective...out here. Her face has been realized. Now life has a completely new meaning.

I'm feeling this way right now...that I have been delivered of some things that have become uncomfortable. Present, but hidden. Now I am peering into the face of thyself. Now life, will have a completely new meaning. As a child is born into this loud and bright world, likely scared out of their wits, they have no other option than to trust the hands that hold them.

Matt 18:3-4
And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Abiding in Him

I took a trip to the beach this past weekend. In Oregon it's seems a rarity to find sunshine at the beach. It's generally cloudy, usually raining, and windy. This weekend, I didn't care. I go to the beach, to breathe, regardless of the weather. There's something so awesome about the ocean that puts my place into perspective...I'm very tiny, and the Creator of such an expanse of water is so mighty and powerful and great. If He can tame the oceans, why not allow Him to tame the little waves of my life? It overwhelms me sometimes.

Saturday turned out to be the most perfect beach day one could ask for. It was in the low 70s, sunshiny, and just a hint of a gentle breeze. I am so grateful.

Any time I go to the beach, I find peace and comfort and the sound of the crashing waves are the arms of God, embracing me and my stay there. I make it a point to listen... Life, in all its craziness, rushing here and there, juggling baby and laundry and groceries and housekeeping, not to mention working and daycare, and church and activities and fellowship, and, and, and...and just making it through the day...it's hard to stop long enough to listen or reflect. By the end of the day, I hit the wall and slide down in a lump of exhausted goo. I try to find time in the daily grind to capture a glimpse of what He might have to say for me that day. I don't always hear Him. So I go to the beach, to breath; and to hear what He might have to say. Purposeful stillness.

I don't get these opportunities very often, but when I do, they are profound. This trip was no exception.

I've been reading a book by John Eldredge called 'Walking with God'. It captures a year from the journal of John Eldredge and how God evidences himself along the way. He mentions over and over again the whispers of God's voice in his life. I began to wonder how many times God has whispered to me and I just don't or didn't hear Him; or ignored Him. On my drive to the beach, I endeavored to clear my mind and allow my spirit/conscience to open up and receive whatever it is He might have for me. I invited Him to speak into my life and I promised to pay attention. I had a piece of paper and a pen handy to jot down whatever I heard.

Generally when we are in the truck, my Little Miss makes it known how incredibly dissatisfied she is with her carseat. I prefer short distance drives because of this, as my nerves become very short and frayed when such a tiny air space has been invaded by the whales of my little princess... I prepared myself for the 2 1/2 hour journey with treats and beverages and additional toys to help appease the screeches. Magically, it seems, during this trip she played contently with the toys I have strapped to the back of the seat in front of her. She sang and talked to me. She practiced inunciating her new words and repeated them over and over again. A-pp-o joosh. A-pp-o joosh. A-pp-o joosh. I only had to pull over once because she dropped her tippy cup out of my arms reach. It was a glorious ride, to say the least.

Somewhere about half way there, I heard Him.

Abide in Me.

I read the Bible, though admittedly, not as much as I should. It's so important to be in the Word on a regular basis in order to combat the trickery of the enemy. If we know the Truth, the enemy loses every time. He finds his way in to the weak and unsure spaces that have not been cleared by the Words of Truth, carefully written and provided for us; for our safety and security.

I know there is scripture that speaks of abiding in Him. I've never really thought about it...what does it mean? I have a very vague idea, but the depth of the definition, I have no idea.

I jot it down on the paper I have handy and consider it during the rest of the journey. A giddy anticipation waves over me as I anxiously await the evening to come together and wear down so that I am able to look it up and start studying it. What is the message that He has for me?

I mentioned the enemy finding the weak and unsure places. He doesn't want us drawing nearer to God and the Truth. He will use whatever means necessary to sabotage our gaining strength. He likes us weak. Earlier in the day an email dialogue had started with a friend of mine. By the time I got to the beach and put the punkin' down for bed, I was ready to start my journey of discovery into what 'Abiding in Him' meant. I checked my email first, and became distracted in that email. I didn't get to Abiding in Him.

By morning, my mind was a whirlwind of confusion that was sourced in that dialogue. I knew immediately, however, that it was a ploy from the enemy. You will know and recognize him by the fruit... Distraction, confusion, uneasiness...these are not of God. I quickly prayed against the schemes of the enemy and set the distractions and discomfort at the cross. I refuse to carry it. My mission this trip is to spend some quality time with God. You ever go on a vacation or a trip with a friend who drags you down because they don't want to do this or its too hot or they're dissatisfied with that? Kinda sucks the life out of the vacation, if you let it. The greatness of our will is that we can choose...we can choose to wallow in the grumps or we can choose to set them aside and enjoy ourselves in spite of it. On this day, I chose not to be consumed by the tricks of the enemy. Once I set them aside and began to focus on why I was there, the confusion dissipated. While being 'in control' is not something we should strive to do, but actually release 'control' to the authority who TRULY has control...it is amazing how much 'control' we do have. Our will can wreck us or it can save us... We have 'control' over how obedient we choose to be. Good Stuff.

The next morning we were up at the crack of dawn, enjoying each other and the sounds of seagulls; sharing bananas and toast and a-pp-o joosh. I've been living with various friends for the past ten months and have little personal space, so this is truly a treasured time with my daughter. It's only she and I and I love it. We will have our own space again very soon, but for now, she and I time is limited and fleeting. This by itself is a God moment.

Once she was down for her morning nap, I was able to begin searching and listening. One of the multitude of amazing things about God is that He is patient. He waits. He knows the many things that hit us from all directions on any given day. He patiently waits for us to be with Him. If only we could acquire this level of patience with the people and things of this life... I find anxiety starts to invade my spirit when I begin the ponderings and racing thoughts of doing this or that on time and getting this or that in this time, and wondering what is going to happen next and when will I realize this or see that or find 'something'...whatever that something may be that we are seeking at any given moment. Peace rests in my soul when I just 'go with the flow'. Travelling is like this. I start the trip long before the trip ever starts. It starts when I leave my place. I leave early in case there is traffic. I don't want to start a relaxing trip being frustrated because I'm stuck in traffic and might be late. I get to the airport early to enjoy people watching. I relax. I don't rush. I take whatever comes, as it arrives. I don't anticipate anything, so I'm not surprised when things like flight delays and then missed flights and mechanical delays and then traffic delays and delay after delay after delay... A trip I took a few years ago had me back 16 hours later than anticipated. If I'd have not mentally prepared for anything happening, I might have been a bit agitated. But I knew eventually I would make it home. I was nicer just taking advantage of the 'down' time.

Why is it different when we WANT something? We want something and we make plans for that something and we get angry when it doesn't pan out the way we'd anticipated. We lose so much of the moment by being frustrated and angry that it didn't come to us the way WE wanted it to. Isn't that the point God is trying to make with us? If we just relax through the process, He will bring it to us the way that HE knows is the best way. And if we're able to relax through it, we might find surprising treats along the way. We will eventually get there. It's certain. Where is it written...Ask anything in My name and it will be given to you. I once heard an analogy that really sticks with me, especially when I find myself getting impatient... We can drive coast to coast in the dark, with only a 50 foot visibility from our headlights...it's all we need to get where we need to go. Why do we think we need a light to shine on the destination before we arrive?

So, what does it mean to Abide in Him? What did I find? I found that all of this...the journey...is the 'end' that He has for us. The destination is not the end. The journey. Right now. Today. This very moment. Walk with Him. Abide in Him.

A Mere Tiny Thread...

Have you ever been reading a book and cross over something that sends your mind a wheelin'...so much so that you can't possibly concentrate on another word that is written? Sometimes...I love it when that happens. : ) I love it when it happens, when I know that I'm being spoken to.

There were several things that came to light multiple times in one day...an indication that I need to stop and pay attention because this is important! Several completely random things that had occurred or I'd heard through the day suddenly appeared on the pages of the book I was reading. Kinda like deja vu...only not really. So much more profound than deja vu; a deep soul piercing realization that our entire existence is but one tiny thread of a giant beautiful tapestry that God has/is creating.

It's more than just ironic that seemingly random things or people or ideas find themselves a way into your conscience because they appear nowhere in life, and then they appear several times in a very short amount of time. It made me really think about how intricately He has designed our existence. He created our paths to cross over, just as threads are weaved together in this tapestry of our life. I'm having some difficulty articulating right now, but this is so huge! How humbling and how small I've become with the realization.

When the threads of circumstance are looked at under a microscope, it looks distorted and ugly and misshapen. But pull the microscope away, and one can start to see a picture that is much larger than we can imagine. Every single thing is for a very distinct purpose and design. Have you seen those pictures that are a large picture, made with hundrends of tiny other little pictures? Imagine one made up of all of our faces...and the larger one being the picture of God. There may even be one out there with Jesus' face. At any rate, when you look at each individual picture, you can't see that it is a pore on the cheek of a larger picture. Amazing.

Also...completely random and of no real relevance to this...but maybe some that I can't see at the moment... I had Chinese food for dinner and then another Asian dish the next day for lunch. Both times, my fortune cookie was empty. How odd is that? How does a fortune cookie get its message missed? I wonder how often it happens? And what are the odds that I would get two message'less cookies in two days. Hm.