Word of God, Speak

I pray/journal unceasingly. It took me a while to realize what that means, but with every beautiful thing, I praise my Heavenly Father for giving me eye and senses candy to revel in. And when things are confusing and perplexing I ask the questions to find answers. The questions are posed more in my journals than in my head because if I put it down in writing, I can at least look at it, reflect on it, and later on see how my prayers/questions have been answered. It's a system that is really starting to flourish and work wonders for me. I have journals at work, in my purse, on my beside table, and in multiple other locations because if something strikes me, I need to be able to let it out.

My workday mornings I have a ritual of taking my journal into the 'prayer chambers' (hehe) in order to pray/write/reflect in private and without distraction. I'm not a morning person, so getting up earlier to accomplish this just doesn't work. Once I'm awake, I love mornings, but it's the getting up part that is so difficult. Don't think that is going to change much. So...I'm usually awake by the time I get to work, so it's the first thing on my agenda.

I mentioned in a former post that there's this 'pattern' I have with men...being perpetually attracted to those that are not available and not being able to receive love from those that are. Without digging into the psychology of why this is, I prayed this morning, the following...

Lord, I wonder...why we are allowed to go to the vulnerable places in our hearts with someone, if you're not going to allow it to work? It confuses me. I realize we learn along the way, and we aren't really promised anything earthly. But I'm perplexed.

I mentioned somewhere along the way that I didn't need an answer today because while I am and have been perplexed for some time, I have a grounded peace in my soul that my faith will carry me through. I'm just tossing it out there for consideration.

This doesn't happen all the time. Rarely. Maybe even never happened before now...but I got an answer 5 minutes later. I was reading a devotional (My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers) that first has this scripture:

John 11:40 Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"

And then this...the answer...

Faith must be tested because it can only become your intimate possession through conflict.

WOW.

If I haven't mentioned how amazing God is, lately...He is truly amazing. He may speak to others differently, but He pretty much answers my questions directly via scripture and other readings. I may have an underlying sense but if there's any confusion, then it is confirmed with scripture. I LOVE THAT! He speaks TO ME. :O) I don't know that I'll ever get over the awe of that. Because every time he speaks or answers something, I am immediately placed on this fabulous floating cloud of wonder and amazement. And am filled with joy and love and peace...that He really is with me. I'd like to have constand affirmation from Him, but then I might start taking it for granted.

You know what else is pretty nifty (besides it being Friday, a short Friday, and a short Friday before a long weekend)? Just this morning as I was driving into work, I asked God to reveal Himself to me. I was feeling a little parched of His presence. And He is faithful to those who ask. :)

He asks us to be as little children before Him...and I don't know how to be any other way! I get so excited! And I want to share and dance around and just be a giddy little girl! Because He spoke to ME! And He loves ME!

WooHoo!