There's not a real video in here, but the song holds some significance for me at the moment... Mountain Moving Moments. :)God Rocks!
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Abiding in Him
I took a trip to the beach this past weekend. In Oregon it's seems a rarity to find sunshine at the beach. It's generally cloudy, usually raining, and windy. This weekend, I didn't care. I go to the beach, to breathe, regardless of the weather. There's something so awesome about the ocean that puts my place into perspective...I'm very tiny, and the Creator of such an expanse of water is so mighty and powerful and great. If He can tame the oceans, why not allow Him to tame the little waves of my life? It overwhelms me sometimes.
Saturday turned out to be the most perfect beach day one could ask for. It was in the low 70s, sunshiny, and just a hint of a gentle breeze. I am so grateful.
Any time I go to the beach, I find peace and comfort and the sound of the crashing waves are the arms of God, embracing me and my stay there. I make it a point to listen... Life, in all its craziness, rushing here and there, juggling baby and laundry and groceries and housekeeping, not to mention working and daycare, and church and activities and fellowship, and, and, and...and just making it through the day...it's hard to stop long enough to listen or reflect. By the end of the day, I hit the wall and slide down in a lump of exhausted goo. I try to find time in the daily grind to capture a glimpse of what He might have to say for me that day. I don't always hear Him. So I go to the beach, to breath; and to hear what He might have to say. Purposeful stillness.
I don't get these opportunities very often, but when I do, they are profound. This trip was no exception.
I've been reading a book by John Eldredge called 'Walking with God'. It captures a year from the journal of John Eldredge and how God evidences himself along the way. He mentions over and over again the whispers of God's voice in his life. I began to wonder how many times God has whispered to me and I just don't or didn't hear Him; or ignored Him. On my drive to the beach, I endeavored to clear my mind and allow my spirit/conscience to open up and receive whatever it is He might have for me. I invited Him to speak into my life and I promised to pay attention. I had a piece of paper and a pen handy to jot down whatever I heard.
Generally when we are in the truck, my Little Miss makes it known how incredibly dissatisfied she is with her carseat. I prefer short distance drives because of this, as my nerves become very short and frayed when such a tiny air space has been invaded by the whales of my little princess... I prepared myself for the 2 1/2 hour journey with treats and beverages and additional toys to help appease the screeches. Magically, it seems, during this trip she played contently with the toys I have strapped to the back of the seat in front of her. She sang and talked to me. She practiced inunciating her new words and repeated them over and over again. A-pp-o joosh. A-pp-o joosh. A-pp-o joosh. I only had to pull over once because she dropped her tippy cup out of my arms reach. It was a glorious ride, to say the least.
Somewhere about half way there, I heard Him.
Abide in Me.
I read the Bible, though admittedly, not as much as I should. It's so important to be in the Word on a regular basis in order to combat the trickery of the enemy. If we know the Truth, the enemy loses every time. He finds his way in to the weak and unsure spaces that have not been cleared by the Words of Truth, carefully written and provided for us; for our safety and security.
I know there is scripture that speaks of abiding in Him. I've never really thought about it...what does it mean? I have a very vague idea, but the depth of the definition, I have no idea.
I jot it down on the paper I have handy and consider it during the rest of the journey. A giddy anticipation waves over me as I anxiously await the evening to come together and wear down so that I am able to look it up and start studying it. What is the message that He has for me?
I mentioned the enemy finding the weak and unsure places. He doesn't want us drawing nearer to God and the Truth. He will use whatever means necessary to sabotage our gaining strength. He likes us weak. Earlier in the day an email dialogue had started with a friend of mine. By the time I got to the beach and put the punkin' down for bed, I was ready to start my journey of discovery into what 'Abiding in Him' meant. I checked my email first, and became distracted in that email. I didn't get to Abiding in Him.
By morning, my mind was a whirlwind of confusion that was sourced in that dialogue. I knew immediately, however, that it was a ploy from the enemy. You will know and recognize him by the fruit... Distraction, confusion, uneasiness...these are not of God. I quickly prayed against the schemes of the enemy and set the distractions and discomfort at the cross. I refuse to carry it. My mission this trip is to spend some quality time with God. You ever go on a vacation or a trip with a friend who drags you down because they don't want to do this or its too hot or they're dissatisfied with that? Kinda sucks the life out of the vacation, if you let it. The greatness of our will is that we can choose...we can choose to wallow in the grumps or we can choose to set them aside and enjoy ourselves in spite of it. On this day, I chose not to be consumed by the tricks of the enemy. Once I set them aside and began to focus on why I was there, the confusion dissipated. While being 'in control' is not something we should strive to do, but actually release 'control' to the authority who TRULY has control...it is amazing how much 'control' we do have. Our will can wreck us or it can save us... We have 'control' over how obedient we choose to be. Good Stuff.
The next morning we were up at the crack of dawn, enjoying each other and the sounds of seagulls; sharing bananas and toast and a-pp-o joosh. I've been living with various friends for the past ten months and have little personal space, so this is truly a treasured time with my daughter. It's only she and I and I love it. We will have our own space again very soon, but for now, she and I time is limited and fleeting. This by itself is a God moment.
Once she was down for her morning nap, I was able to begin searching and listening. One of the multitude of amazing things about God is that He is patient. He waits. He knows the many things that hit us from all directions on any given day. He patiently waits for us to be with Him. If only we could acquire this level of patience with the people and things of this life... I find anxiety starts to invade my spirit when I begin the ponderings and racing thoughts of doing this or that on time and getting this or that in this time, and wondering what is going to happen next and when will I realize this or see that or find 'something'...whatever that something may be that we are seeking at any given moment. Peace rests in my soul when I just 'go with the flow'. Travelling is like this. I start the trip long before the trip ever starts. It starts when I leave my place. I leave early in case there is traffic. I don't want to start a relaxing trip being frustrated because I'm stuck in traffic and might be late. I get to the airport early to enjoy people watching. I relax. I don't rush. I take whatever comes, as it arrives. I don't anticipate anything, so I'm not surprised when things like flight delays and then missed flights and mechanical delays and then traffic delays and delay after delay after delay... A trip I took a few years ago had me back 16 hours later than anticipated. If I'd have not mentally prepared for anything happening, I might have been a bit agitated. But I knew eventually I would make it home. I was nicer just taking advantage of the 'down' time.
Why is it different when we WANT something? We want something and we make plans for that something and we get angry when it doesn't pan out the way we'd anticipated. We lose so much of the moment by being frustrated and angry that it didn't come to us the way WE wanted it to. Isn't that the point God is trying to make with us? If we just relax through the process, He will bring it to us the way that HE knows is the best way. And if we're able to relax through it, we might find surprising treats along the way. We will eventually get there. It's certain. Where is it written...Ask anything in My name and it will be given to you. I once heard an analogy that really sticks with me, especially when I find myself getting impatient... We can drive coast to coast in the dark, with only a 50 foot visibility from our headlights...it's all we need to get where we need to go. Why do we think we need a light to shine on the destination before we arrive?
So, what does it mean to Abide in Him? What did I find? I found that all of this...the journey...is the 'end' that He has for us. The destination is not the end. The journey. Right now. Today. This very moment. Walk with Him. Abide in Him.
Saturday turned out to be the most perfect beach day one could ask for. It was in the low 70s, sunshiny, and just a hint of a gentle breeze. I am so grateful.
Any time I go to the beach, I find peace and comfort and the sound of the crashing waves are the arms of God, embracing me and my stay there. I make it a point to listen... Life, in all its craziness, rushing here and there, juggling baby and laundry and groceries and housekeeping, not to mention working and daycare, and church and activities and fellowship, and, and, and...and just making it through the day...it's hard to stop long enough to listen or reflect. By the end of the day, I hit the wall and slide down in a lump of exhausted goo. I try to find time in the daily grind to capture a glimpse of what He might have to say for me that day. I don't always hear Him. So I go to the beach, to breath; and to hear what He might have to say. Purposeful stillness.
I don't get these opportunities very often, but when I do, they are profound. This trip was no exception.
I've been reading a book by John Eldredge called 'Walking with God'. It captures a year from the journal of John Eldredge and how God evidences himself along the way. He mentions over and over again the whispers of God's voice in his life. I began to wonder how many times God has whispered to me and I just don't or didn't hear Him; or ignored Him. On my drive to the beach, I endeavored to clear my mind and allow my spirit/conscience to open up and receive whatever it is He might have for me. I invited Him to speak into my life and I promised to pay attention. I had a piece of paper and a pen handy to jot down whatever I heard.
Generally when we are in the truck, my Little Miss makes it known how incredibly dissatisfied she is with her carseat. I prefer short distance drives because of this, as my nerves become very short and frayed when such a tiny air space has been invaded by the whales of my little princess... I prepared myself for the 2 1/2 hour journey with treats and beverages and additional toys to help appease the screeches. Magically, it seems, during this trip she played contently with the toys I have strapped to the back of the seat in front of her. She sang and talked to me. She practiced inunciating her new words and repeated them over and over again. A-pp-o joosh. A-pp-o joosh. A-pp-o joosh. I only had to pull over once because she dropped her tippy cup out of my arms reach. It was a glorious ride, to say the least.
Somewhere about half way there, I heard Him.
Abide in Me.
I read the Bible, though admittedly, not as much as I should. It's so important to be in the Word on a regular basis in order to combat the trickery of the enemy. If we know the Truth, the enemy loses every time. He finds his way in to the weak and unsure spaces that have not been cleared by the Words of Truth, carefully written and provided for us; for our safety and security.
I know there is scripture that speaks of abiding in Him. I've never really thought about it...what does it mean? I have a very vague idea, but the depth of the definition, I have no idea.
I jot it down on the paper I have handy and consider it during the rest of the journey. A giddy anticipation waves over me as I anxiously await the evening to come together and wear down so that I am able to look it up and start studying it. What is the message that He has for me?
I mentioned the enemy finding the weak and unsure places. He doesn't want us drawing nearer to God and the Truth. He will use whatever means necessary to sabotage our gaining strength. He likes us weak. Earlier in the day an email dialogue had started with a friend of mine. By the time I got to the beach and put the punkin' down for bed, I was ready to start my journey of discovery into what 'Abiding in Him' meant. I checked my email first, and became distracted in that email. I didn't get to Abiding in Him.
By morning, my mind was a whirlwind of confusion that was sourced in that dialogue. I knew immediately, however, that it was a ploy from the enemy. You will know and recognize him by the fruit... Distraction, confusion, uneasiness...these are not of God. I quickly prayed against the schemes of the enemy and set the distractions and discomfort at the cross. I refuse to carry it. My mission this trip is to spend some quality time with God. You ever go on a vacation or a trip with a friend who drags you down because they don't want to do this or its too hot or they're dissatisfied with that? Kinda sucks the life out of the vacation, if you let it. The greatness of our will is that we can choose...we can choose to wallow in the grumps or we can choose to set them aside and enjoy ourselves in spite of it. On this day, I chose not to be consumed by the tricks of the enemy. Once I set them aside and began to focus on why I was there, the confusion dissipated. While being 'in control' is not something we should strive to do, but actually release 'control' to the authority who TRULY has control...it is amazing how much 'control' we do have. Our will can wreck us or it can save us... We have 'control' over how obedient we choose to be. Good Stuff.
The next morning we were up at the crack of dawn, enjoying each other and the sounds of seagulls; sharing bananas and toast and a-pp-o joosh. I've been living with various friends for the past ten months and have little personal space, so this is truly a treasured time with my daughter. It's only she and I and I love it. We will have our own space again very soon, but for now, she and I time is limited and fleeting. This by itself is a God moment.
Once she was down for her morning nap, I was able to begin searching and listening. One of the multitude of amazing things about God is that He is patient. He waits. He knows the many things that hit us from all directions on any given day. He patiently waits for us to be with Him. If only we could acquire this level of patience with the people and things of this life... I find anxiety starts to invade my spirit when I begin the ponderings and racing thoughts of doing this or that on time and getting this or that in this time, and wondering what is going to happen next and when will I realize this or see that or find 'something'...whatever that something may be that we are seeking at any given moment. Peace rests in my soul when I just 'go with the flow'. Travelling is like this. I start the trip long before the trip ever starts. It starts when I leave my place. I leave early in case there is traffic. I don't want to start a relaxing trip being frustrated because I'm stuck in traffic and might be late. I get to the airport early to enjoy people watching. I relax. I don't rush. I take whatever comes, as it arrives. I don't anticipate anything, so I'm not surprised when things like flight delays and then missed flights and mechanical delays and then traffic delays and delay after delay after delay... A trip I took a few years ago had me back 16 hours later than anticipated. If I'd have not mentally prepared for anything happening, I might have been a bit agitated. But I knew eventually I would make it home. I was nicer just taking advantage of the 'down' time.
Why is it different when we WANT something? We want something and we make plans for that something and we get angry when it doesn't pan out the way we'd anticipated. We lose so much of the moment by being frustrated and angry that it didn't come to us the way WE wanted it to. Isn't that the point God is trying to make with us? If we just relax through the process, He will bring it to us the way that HE knows is the best way. And if we're able to relax through it, we might find surprising treats along the way. We will eventually get there. It's certain. Where is it written...Ask anything in My name and it will be given to you. I once heard an analogy that really sticks with me, especially when I find myself getting impatient... We can drive coast to coast in the dark, with only a 50 foot visibility from our headlights...it's all we need to get where we need to go. Why do we think we need a light to shine on the destination before we arrive?
So, what does it mean to Abide in Him? What did I find? I found that all of this...the journey...is the 'end' that He has for us. The destination is not the end. The journey. Right now. Today. This very moment. Walk with Him. Abide in Him.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Life is Grand : )
Life is grand, y'know? :)
Today, my new boss is letting me out early to go play in the sunshine! Living here in Orygun, it is great when the sun FINALLY decides its going to grace us with its presence. The state has been watered and cloud covered sufficiently...now it's time for some Vitamin D!
Yesterday, it was my birthday again. (Okay, not really, but it felt like it) I got some more new goods to play with. (among them, running shorts!)
When it rains, it pours, really. Funny how life is. When things are good, it seems like EVERYTHING is good. When it is bad, well everything kinda glooms. I'm clearly in the 'everything is good' category these days. :) I know that I can't stay here forever, but it sure does help!
Life ebbs and flows...extreme highs and extreme lows. I try to keep my mind in an even place in the middle somewhere so that when it hits its peaks and valleys, its not as far a distance to meet again in the middle. If I allow life to flow around me and allow and revel in the excitement and just accept the dips for what they are...temporary...the topography of life seems a bit more level.
It's hard not to get overly excited about the fun stuff...I AM a big kid and I never want to lose the excitability of fun stuff. I just have to remember that I can't stay here all the time. It creates a deeper destitution of the spirit when the hard stuff of life is tossed in. It's all about balance. :)
On a different note, I think I'm being called to a missions trip to Cambodia in January. I've wanted and desired to go on a missions trip for many years, but have never felt like a door was open to the possibility. When I became pregnant, it seemed the door would be closed even tighter because single motherhood offers enough challenges on its own without the logistics of travelling like that. However...God is MUCH larger than any situation or circumstance and where His Will is, there will always be a way.
Sunday we had a flyer in our bulletin for a medical missions trip to Cambodia and I felt a door fly open in my spirit. I am very excited by this and feel, without knowing any details or logistics, that I'm already there. This journey has been predetermined and has already begun. The family that watches my daughter during the day has already, without question, offered to watch her during the week I would be gone. It hurts my heart a little bit to think about being away from her for a whole week, but she'll be almost 2 then and I know that if God wills this to happen, then he will also make sure I have peace and comfort on the journey.
It is Springtime...time for new things...for renewal; budding and blossoming possibilities and opportunities. :)
Life is grand. :)
Today, my new boss is letting me out early to go play in the sunshine! Living here in Orygun, it is great when the sun FINALLY decides its going to grace us with its presence. The state has been watered and cloud covered sufficiently...now it's time for some Vitamin D!
Yesterday, it was my birthday again. (Okay, not really, but it felt like it) I got some more new goods to play with. (among them, running shorts!)
When it rains, it pours, really. Funny how life is. When things are good, it seems like EVERYTHING is good. When it is bad, well everything kinda glooms. I'm clearly in the 'everything is good' category these days. :) I know that I can't stay here forever, but it sure does help!
Life ebbs and flows...extreme highs and extreme lows. I try to keep my mind in an even place in the middle somewhere so that when it hits its peaks and valleys, its not as far a distance to meet again in the middle. If I allow life to flow around me and allow and revel in the excitement and just accept the dips for what they are...temporary...the topography of life seems a bit more level.
It's hard not to get overly excited about the fun stuff...I AM a big kid and I never want to lose the excitability of fun stuff. I just have to remember that I can't stay here all the time. It creates a deeper destitution of the spirit when the hard stuff of life is tossed in. It's all about balance. :)
On a different note, I think I'm being called to a missions trip to Cambodia in January. I've wanted and desired to go on a missions trip for many years, but have never felt like a door was open to the possibility. When I became pregnant, it seemed the door would be closed even tighter because single motherhood offers enough challenges on its own without the logistics of travelling like that. However...God is MUCH larger than any situation or circumstance and where His Will is, there will always be a way.
Sunday we had a flyer in our bulletin for a medical missions trip to Cambodia and I felt a door fly open in my spirit. I am very excited by this and feel, without knowing any details or logistics, that I'm already there. This journey has been predetermined and has already begun. The family that watches my daughter during the day has already, without question, offered to watch her during the week I would be gone. It hurts my heart a little bit to think about being away from her for a whole week, but she'll be almost 2 then and I know that if God wills this to happen, then he will also make sure I have peace and comfort on the journey.
It is Springtime...time for new things...for renewal; budding and blossoming possibilities and opportunities. :)
Life is grand. :)
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Trotting Along...
I walked, then walk/jogged, then walked again today.
Walked to the track (.56 miles).
Then calibrated my jog timer on my sensor, so I didn't get this logged (add a quarter mile).
Then walk/jogged around the track (.88).
Then walked again (.59 miles).
Total Miles logged, 6.27 miles with an average 17'ish minute per mile pace. My walk/jog pace was about 13 1/2 minute per mile average.
Running is kinda uncomfortable and painful, particularly for the very out of shape and sedentary folk. But y'know...as I'm sitting here revelling in the after'ness of it, I feel SO GOOD.
I've started a 'walk to jog' training program that I can track online, as well as the 16 mile per month challenge. With these accountability tools, there shouldn't be any reason that I get stalled. If I do, its all my fault. And I don't like to be at fault...so I reckon there's nowhere to go but UP from here, ya? :)
You know what is the greatest about this niftly little sensor toy/tool is that I don't have to think about anything. I don't have to calculate or look at the time, or measure anything. It does it all for me. This is HUGE freedom for me. Cuz really...if I have to think about going around the track four times, then that mile becomes VERY VERY long. But if I'm just out there trottin' along, soaking in the sunshine (yes! The sun decided to come out today! hooray!), listening to what my body is telling me (maybe you should walk for a minute so I can catch my breath...okay I caught my breath, go ahead and start trotting again...), then suddenly, walking/trotting becomes somewhat enjoyable. I plug it into my computer and all my goals, challenges and training programs are automatically updated for me. You have no idea how exciting this is for me! To free my mind of the details so that I can THINK about other stuff. yay! haha :)
Walked to the track (.56 miles).
Then calibrated my jog timer on my sensor, so I didn't get this logged (add a quarter mile).
Then walk/jogged around the track (.88).
Then walked again (.59 miles).
Total Miles logged, 6.27 miles with an average 17'ish minute per mile pace. My walk/jog pace was about 13 1/2 minute per mile average.
Running is kinda uncomfortable and painful, particularly for the very out of shape and sedentary folk. But y'know...as I'm sitting here revelling in the after'ness of it, I feel SO GOOD.
I've started a 'walk to jog' training program that I can track online, as well as the 16 mile per month challenge. With these accountability tools, there shouldn't be any reason that I get stalled. If I do, its all my fault. And I don't like to be at fault...so I reckon there's nowhere to go but UP from here, ya? :)
You know what is the greatest about this niftly little sensor toy/tool is that I don't have to think about anything. I don't have to calculate or look at the time, or measure anything. It does it all for me. This is HUGE freedom for me. Cuz really...if I have to think about going around the track four times, then that mile becomes VERY VERY long. But if I'm just out there trottin' along, soaking in the sunshine (yes! The sun decided to come out today! hooray!), listening to what my body is telling me (maybe you should walk for a minute so I can catch my breath...okay I caught my breath, go ahead and start trotting again...), then suddenly, walking/trotting becomes somewhat enjoyable. I plug it into my computer and all my goals, challenges and training programs are automatically updated for me. You have no idea how exciting this is for me! To free my mind of the details so that I can THINK about other stuff. yay! haha :)
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Journey to thyself...
As I wander around the wonderful blogging world I've recently discovered, it amazes and inspires me that I'm really not an island. :) Everyone has a life and everyone's is different, but there are so many who are living and communicating the journey to their core. Who are they? What are they about? What IS this life all about?
Of course, I'm not an island...because everything is not always about ME...but the human condition being what it is (self-centered), finds some peace and calm and contentment knowing that its actually quite 'normal' to be seeking and searching for meaning.
I am so inspired by the runners, the writers, the single moms, the stay at home moms, the Jesuits, the Buddhists, the Dads, the musicians, the students, the teachers, the artists, the pastors...and everyone in between. What an amazing community the blogging world has created! I feel strangely 'connected' to all these people who I've never lain eyes on because I feel this common pursuit amongst us... What IS it all about?
Does anybody really know how and understand how their words so profoundly touch others? Since we all pretty anonymously read each others thoughts, ideas, opinions, expectations, fears, joys, etc...how many lives are affected daily by our journey simply because we decided to share? The tapestry I spoke of in a former post...grows larger and larger and more complex and more beautiful with each passing moment and word exchange. wow.
Personally, I have been touched beyond comprehension and my world has been richly blessed by this community. Who knew? :)
Of course, I'm not an island...because everything is not always about ME...but the human condition being what it is (self-centered), finds some peace and calm and contentment knowing that its actually quite 'normal' to be seeking and searching for meaning.
I am so inspired by the runners, the writers, the single moms, the stay at home moms, the Jesuits, the Buddhists, the Dads, the musicians, the students, the teachers, the artists, the pastors...and everyone in between. What an amazing community the blogging world has created! I feel strangely 'connected' to all these people who I've never lain eyes on because I feel this common pursuit amongst us... What IS it all about?
Does anybody really know how and understand how their words so profoundly touch others? Since we all pretty anonymously read each others thoughts, ideas, opinions, expectations, fears, joys, etc...how many lives are affected daily by our journey simply because we decided to share? The tapestry I spoke of in a former post...grows larger and larger and more complex and more beautiful with each passing moment and word exchange. wow.
Personally, I have been touched beyond comprehension and my world has been richly blessed by this community. Who knew? :)
Monday, May 12, 2008
In the Beginning...
...She walked an average 17'ish minute mile (pushing a stroller).
I'm 4.22 miles into a little bitty beginner's challenge - walk/trot 16 miles in one month. Piece of cake. I'm going to probably walk most of this, but pick up a little bit of momentum to trot in a week or so.
I'm planning on participating in my first 5k in June. :)
I walked 2.6 miles on Saturday and decided when my body started yelling at me, that I would talk my body out of the nonsense of hurting. It was all about affirmations. I love walking! I love the fresh air! This feels great! It's good to be outside! And then it wasn't so bad. :)
I was thinking about thinking while I was out. But thinking about thinking isn't as good as good ol' spontaneous thinking. So I thought about all the pretty Spring flowers along the way. I love Spring. Time for renewal.
I'm 4.22 miles into a little bitty beginner's challenge - walk/trot 16 miles in one month. Piece of cake. I'm going to probably walk most of this, but pick up a little bit of momentum to trot in a week or so.
I'm planning on participating in my first 5k in June. :)
I walked 2.6 miles on Saturday and decided when my body started yelling at me, that I would talk my body out of the nonsense of hurting. It was all about affirmations. I love walking! I love the fresh air! This feels great! It's good to be outside! And then it wasn't so bad. :)
I was thinking about thinking while I was out. But thinking about thinking isn't as good as good ol' spontaneous thinking. So I thought about all the pretty Spring flowers along the way. I love Spring. Time for renewal.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Photo Blog Update
Psst... Take a peek at my new pics and let me know what you think! :)
Happy Mother's Day to all the Mommies!
Happy Mother's Day to all the Mommies!
Saturday, May 10, 2008
A Mere Tiny Thread...
Have you ever been reading a book and cross over something that sends your mind a wheelin'...so much so that you can't possibly concentrate on another word that is written? Sometimes...I love it when that happens. : ) I love it when it happens, when I know that I'm being spoken to.
There were several things that came to light multiple times in one day...an indication that I need to stop and pay attention because this is important! Several completely random things that had occurred or I'd heard through the day suddenly appeared on the pages of the book I was reading. Kinda like deja vu...only not really. So much more profound than deja vu; a deep soul piercing realization that our entire existence is but one tiny thread of a giant beautiful tapestry that God has/is creating.
It's more than just ironic that seemingly random things or people or ideas find themselves a way into your conscience because they appear nowhere in life, and then they appear several times in a very short amount of time. It made me really think about how intricately He has designed our existence. He created our paths to cross over, just as threads are weaved together in this tapestry of our life. I'm having some difficulty articulating right now, but this is so huge! How humbling and how small I've become with the realization.
When the threads of circumstance are looked at under a microscope, it looks distorted and ugly and misshapen. But pull the microscope away, and one can start to see a picture that is much larger than we can imagine. Every single thing is for a very distinct purpose and design. Have you seen those pictures that are a large picture, made with hundrends of tiny other little pictures? Imagine one made up of all of our faces...and the larger one being the picture of God. There may even be one out there with Jesus' face. At any rate, when you look at each individual picture, you can't see that it is a pore on the cheek of a larger picture. Amazing.
Also...completely random and of no real relevance to this...but maybe some that I can't see at the moment... I had Chinese food for dinner and then another Asian dish the next day for lunch. Both times, my fortune cookie was empty. How odd is that? How does a fortune cookie get its message missed? I wonder how often it happens? And what are the odds that I would get two message'less cookies in two days. Hm.
There were several things that came to light multiple times in one day...an indication that I need to stop and pay attention because this is important! Several completely random things that had occurred or I'd heard through the day suddenly appeared on the pages of the book I was reading. Kinda like deja vu...only not really. So much more profound than deja vu; a deep soul piercing realization that our entire existence is but one tiny thread of a giant beautiful tapestry that God has/is creating.
It's more than just ironic that seemingly random things or people or ideas find themselves a way into your conscience because they appear nowhere in life, and then they appear several times in a very short amount of time. It made me really think about how intricately He has designed our existence. He created our paths to cross over, just as threads are weaved together in this tapestry of our life. I'm having some difficulty articulating right now, but this is so huge! How humbling and how small I've become with the realization.
When the threads of circumstance are looked at under a microscope, it looks distorted and ugly and misshapen. But pull the microscope away, and one can start to see a picture that is much larger than we can imagine. Every single thing is for a very distinct purpose and design. Have you seen those pictures that are a large picture, made with hundrends of tiny other little pictures? Imagine one made up of all of our faces...and the larger one being the picture of God. There may even be one out there with Jesus' face. At any rate, when you look at each individual picture, you can't see that it is a pore on the cheek of a larger picture. Amazing.
Also...completely random and of no real relevance to this...but maybe some that I can't see at the moment... I had Chinese food for dinner and then another Asian dish the next day for lunch. Both times, my fortune cookie was empty. How odd is that? How does a fortune cookie get its message missed? I wonder how often it happens? And what are the odds that I would get two message'less cookies in two days. Hm.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Hiding...
I'm not in a crisis situation today, but I have found some truth in yesterday's posting. I wasn't having a void for no reason. There was something in the way that was blocking my intuition.
I have 11 other blogs, all of which are very personal and very vulnerable. I choose not to make them public, but have pondered why I have so many blogs...why don't I include them all in one big blog? Each blog has a different subject matter (Christian Single Motherhood, Thoughts on Emotional Eating, Woman of Integrity, Contented Singleness, etc...etc...). While I'm finding my way to my authentic self (sounds so new age, but I'm not sure how else to define it at the moment), there are a lot of rants and rages, negativity, whining...trying to work through 'stuff'. I don't necessarily think those things should be veiwable by the world at least until I've worked through whatever truth it is I'm trying to find and can rest easy with what I've learned. Then it becomes a part of my testimony and I can share freely.
I have come to a realization about one particular blog that there's a very good reason that I should not share with the world at large. If folks read this stuff, institutionalization might be recommended. : ) It's no doubt the ugliest reality of all. Relational stuff is very difficult. There's no question. Life in the 30s and 40s after many failed relationships and the collection of reactions and responses and guard cause a lot more dips and dives and detours in the process than is comfortable. One moment I may be flying high with thoughts and possibilities and the next I'm completely bugged out and afraid. It is annoying to say the least; this process. But in the process of flying high and then plummetting to the pits, I realize eventually there will be found, a balance. The 'right' thing for me. One day I will find some relative balance and I will be able to articulate the roller coaster ride and perhaps share with others the hidden truths.
Tying all of this together, with a quote from Craig's blog posting...Injuries often seem to occur at the places where the body is weak... If I don't listen to the things that cause my imbalance...those weaknesses, then I will find myself in a much larger train wreck than if I just took some time to pause and consider all perspectives and possibilities. Yesterday's acknowledgement of a void in my introspective thought brought the 'thing' that was hiding me, to the surface. I faced it, was freed, and am now free to continue. : )
Onto the next lesson.
I have 11 other blogs, all of which are very personal and very vulnerable. I choose not to make them public, but have pondered why I have so many blogs...why don't I include them all in one big blog? Each blog has a different subject matter (Christian Single Motherhood, Thoughts on Emotional Eating, Woman of Integrity, Contented Singleness, etc...etc...). While I'm finding my way to my authentic self (sounds so new age, but I'm not sure how else to define it at the moment), there are a lot of rants and rages, negativity, whining...trying to work through 'stuff'. I don't necessarily think those things should be veiwable by the world at least until I've worked through whatever truth it is I'm trying to find and can rest easy with what I've learned. Then it becomes a part of my testimony and I can share freely.
I have come to a realization about one particular blog that there's a very good reason that I should not share with the world at large. If folks read this stuff, institutionalization might be recommended. : ) It's no doubt the ugliest reality of all. Relational stuff is very difficult. There's no question. Life in the 30s and 40s after many failed relationships and the collection of reactions and responses and guard cause a lot more dips and dives and detours in the process than is comfortable. One moment I may be flying high with thoughts and possibilities and the next I'm completely bugged out and afraid. It is annoying to say the least; this process. But in the process of flying high and then plummetting to the pits, I realize eventually there will be found, a balance. The 'right' thing for me. One day I will find some relative balance and I will be able to articulate the roller coaster ride and perhaps share with others the hidden truths.
Tying all of this together, with a quote from Craig's blog posting...Injuries often seem to occur at the places where the body is weak... If I don't listen to the things that cause my imbalance...those weaknesses, then I will find myself in a much larger train wreck than if I just took some time to pause and consider all perspectives and possibilities. Yesterday's acknowledgement of a void in my introspective thought brought the 'thing' that was hiding me, to the surface. I faced it, was freed, and am now free to continue. : )
Onto the next lesson.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
It's the little things...
I'm a big kid. And I really don't want to grow up. I don't ever want to lose the excitement of the little things in life...
Today, or yesterday, actually...the little things include unexpected gifts from my employer. So my last post makes it obvious where I work now. (Purposely leaving the name out so I don't end up on searches) I was so excited yesterday! I was asking about a new gadget that the company makes for runners (a groovy wrist band that tracks your runs). Not only will I be obtaining one of those soon, but I was surprisingly handed a whole bunch of other REALLY COOL STUFF! It felt like Christmas! Only...I didn't know Christmas was coming!
On a completely unrelated note...I'm inspired mind has a void in it. I want to write so badly...but there's just nothing upstairs. This is uncommon...and I really should be grateful because sometimes my mind overwhelms me with the amount of 'stuff' it carries around. It also seems that I am the most inspired when I'm in the middle of a stressful scenario or situation. I reckon this is good then...that I'm not at this very moment in the middle of a crisis (could be floating around on the happy cloud that getting gifts creates) ...but I am oddly enough, missing the inspiration. Perhaps this is resting time. Inspiration will surely return to me.
I'd love to bridge the gap between crisis mode inspiration and life is good inspiration. Hm. Perhaps in time, just writing and blogging and getting the 'stuff' out will bridge the gap.
Happy Wednesday. : )
Today, or yesterday, actually...the little things include unexpected gifts from my employer. So my last post makes it obvious where I work now. (Purposely leaving the name out so I don't end up on searches) I was so excited yesterday! I was asking about a new gadget that the company makes for runners (a groovy wrist band that tracks your runs). Not only will I be obtaining one of those soon, but I was surprisingly handed a whole bunch of other REALLY COOL STUFF! It felt like Christmas! Only...I didn't know Christmas was coming!
On a completely unrelated note...I'm inspired mind has a void in it. I want to write so badly...but there's just nothing upstairs. This is uncommon...and I really should be grateful because sometimes my mind overwhelms me with the amount of 'stuff' it carries around. It also seems that I am the most inspired when I'm in the middle of a stressful scenario or situation. I reckon this is good then...that I'm not at this very moment in the middle of a crisis (could be floating around on the happy cloud that getting gifts creates) ...but I am oddly enough, missing the inspiration. Perhaps this is resting time. Inspiration will surely return to me.
I'd love to bridge the gap between crisis mode inspiration and life is good inspiration. Hm. Perhaps in time, just writing and blogging and getting the 'stuff' out will bridge the gap.
Happy Wednesday. : )
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