Through the Lens of Inspiration

I'm not sure if its 'normal'...by normal I mean...is it common for every head to think as much as mine does. I wonder if it is just my perceptions that draw so much attention to it. And my excitable personality that brings it all to the surface. There are some personalities that are so calm and reserved and mellow. I wonder...do their minds race around their heads 24 hours a day, too? Or is this just something that makes me a little bit different; a little bit unique. Not abnormal, because I do know that others besides myself think A LOT. I wonder why I feel mine is so...illuminated...magnified...LOUD. Hm.

Anyway...thinking is good. There's a lot of attention drawn to it, but I don't find it a detriment so much anymore, like I used to. I used to think I was crazy (ok, maybe I am...but I'm okay with crazy now. (O: At least at this particular moment.). Nowadays...it is the wellspring of my search for wisdom and truth. The wisdom and truth that is relevant to my world. Sometimes...this wisdom and truth is even relevant for others' worlds. :) (and this is why I decided to start blogging...it can't all be for naught, this mind racing stuff)

I am an aspiring photographer. I love capturing moments. As I've released myself from the starting gates, I have had a lot of trepidations about going forward. I really questioned any talent that I had. I knew that I LOVE taking pictures. I see pictures all the time and wish I had a camera to capture every beautiful and glorious thing I see. But just because I have that vision doesn't mean there's any real value to the population at large for it. It is my inspiration. And others don't have to see it the same way as I do. But when venturing forth as a consideration for a full time employment endeavor, I have to take into consideration its value, because its value equals how I will pay my bills...and that means it has to be of good value. It's complicated. But, over this last year, I have been affirmed over and over and over and over again, that what I see truly does have value. Inspiration is valuable. People live for inspiration and beautiful things. They may not recognize it completely, but our passions are fueled by inspiration, are they not?

Anyway, I have another little fear sometimes that makes me nervous before a photo shoot...that I might not capture something as well as the client would like me to. Or that the inspiration will not be there. Or that my camera will malfunction. However, I have learned while shooting, that there is absolutely nothing accurate or relevant about that fear. I have NEVER been inspiration-less during a shoot. If I put the camera up to my eye, the inspiration is there. EVERY TIME. The shoot never unfolds how I would expect it to, but it doesn't mean it was a failure. Because failure in this regard would require that I be some kind of a fortune teller...to see what I'm supposed to do, absolutely, and then do the opposite. And I'm not a fortune teller. So I can't be a failure.

Yesterday I was thinking about how true this is of life. If I'm going to shoot a wedding, I know that I'm going to shoot a wedding. I can anticipate that there will be a beautiful bride and a handsome groom, and a lot of family and friends and happy faces. There will be details to capture and fun stuff, and emotional stuff, and maybe even some hard stuff. But how it actually unfolds is a mystery. And what I actually capture is really only partially understood until I begin to look at the pictures I've captured. They then come back to life for me, but they bring an even fuller life to the recipients of the pictures when they receive them.

We get one day at a time and we can make plans about what those days are going to contain, but what they hold will never be known until the moment it is realized. While we are passing through it, we can realize a certain element of what it contains, but as time passes, it becomes more fully developed into something more; we can piece it together for a larger picture. And then when others are involved, and it is shared, it becomes even larger. All completely relevant and valuable...and completely unanticipated at the same time. Those who fear what tomorrow brings, are being robbed of the fullness and excitement of the ambiguous moment. How much inspiration is lost because we fear what it 'might' turn out like or look like?

My anxiousness for photo shoots is slowly dissipating because even those shoots that I don't think went well, evidence themselves otherwise. I did a shoot last weekend with puppies. THAT was an exercise in a whole lot of things! (I will take pet pictures, but probably won't become a professional pet photographer...) :O) But when viewing the photos afterwards, I realize that even while my inspiration was being stretched completely outside of its comfort zone, and I was concerned about the outcome, I have success. It's all about perspective. We only fail when we believe we have.

So...I will view this life through the lens of inspiration. And not be fearful of what I have captured. Because it will ALWAYS be a beautiful thing. :)