This is your life...

I'm listening to Air1 radio station and the song 'This is Your Life' by Switchfoot just came on. It occurred to me in the fleetingest of moments as I heard the chorus ('This is your life. Are you who you want to be....'), that I am who I want to be. I am satisfied completely.

I reflect on my former life prior to becoming a Christian and it seems every single day was a struggle. There just wasn't ANYTHING to look forward to but this seemingly never ending dismal existence. UGH... I feel the weight of it as I ponder prior days. I remember a time when I would essentially 'fake' who I really was (I didn't really know who she was to begin with, so my entire existence was pretty fake) by fibbing and telling little white lies. I wanted everyone to accept me so I'd create a dialogue that I felt would fit the individual I was speaking with. I was starving for acceptance. I was afraid to tell the truth because I was afraid people wouldn't like me. I'm not sure what there was NOT to like to begin with...but somewhere along life's journey I lost my sense of worth.

It makes me sad to know that there are so many people out there today who feel this way...they have no hope and no reason. They just exist, placing all their hope in a bucket with a hole in it, that something exciting will happen and they will feel fulfilled; some resemblence of joy, if only for a moment. Fleeting, empty, joy.

I posted earlier about how my cup runs over. Life is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I have a hope that is complete...there is no hole that will empty my bucket because my Hope is in Him. I have purpose and meaning and I have found who I am. I don't have to fib or tell white lies anymore to feel accepted (the irony is that I never felt accepted no matter what I said, whether truth or lie) or to have people like me or even love me. I can be real and have integrity and people I think actually love me more. It's amazing... I can't really even begin to articulate how full I feel. Abundance...not in material things, but the abundance comes from within. I could never go back. There's nothing there (the world) that appeals to my senses any longer.

Am I who I want to be? Absolutely. There's no greater knowledge than this...