Random Running Thinking Thoughts

I am so inspired!

In a search for a little bit more of myself, I came across this blog (Running is Mental) and found some really good soul food. Along the way, I have discovered a great deal more than I had anticipated.

Fist of all, I'm a deep thinker, and have always been, but it seems I've never really accepted that of myself. I thought that I had, but it has actually manifested itself in my inability to truly feel connected with people because... if I don't accept it about myself, why would I think others would accept it of me? So I'm always on guard, wondering what people are thinking; if they think I talk to much or think too much or think too deeply. There are far greater amount of people I interact with in my life who have not quite 'got' the depth of my understanding and have verbalized that I think too much, that I take life too seriously, that I philisophize too much, that I will make myself crazy by thinking so much...(I guess its mostly family that 'points' at it.) And so I've always thought that it was, or *I* was always somehow 'wrong' in my thinking.

As I become more and more acquainted with my spiritual side, I realize that my thinking is truly a gift. There's nothing 'wrong' with the way that I think; perhaps the only thing I could adjust a little is measuring accurately who and how I discuss certain matters with certain people...

When I stumbled upon this blog (Running is Mental), it occurred to me that I could channel my own thinking and ponderings of life, instead of keeping them caged up inside my cranium. I was suddenly inspired to become a runner! And to allow the thinking to commence, without reservation! :)

I was reading some other blogs that the owner of this blog subscribes to, and I'm enlightened once again, that there are OTHER thinkers out there! Not that I think I'm the only thinker out there... but how wonderful the nuggets of wisdom that are shared out here in blogger cyber-space!

I read a posting about who we are and if we are in a different place than we had ever anticipated...are we who we set out to be? One blogger didn't ever anticipate being a jogger, and resisting the title along her journey to accepting that she was, in fact, a jogger. I'm there, now...I'm a thinker, but am just now starting to realize its okay for me to hold that 'title'. It is me; who I am. I don't live on the surface...I dive deep to the core; the source; the n'th degree of every thought or idea that could be presented. I don't know why...I just do; it is me.

Why do we resist so much, who we are? Why are others' opinions and expectations allowed to hold us hostage from our true potential? How many of us are so chained to who we 'think' we should be that we fail to truly thrive and blossom? Why are we so starved for affirmation, that we need to have people accept us? Where in this life did we lose ourselves and become the product of everyone else's expectations?

After pondering this, and having the initial excitement to go out and get me a pair of running shoes...I became increasingly more deflated with the whole idea. Running is such...work. It hurts, mostly. Specifically for me, I walked on my tippy toes since I was a little bitty, so the tendons and muscles in the back of my legs are shortened and cramp up pretty badly when I attempt running; trotting; jogging, in any way. So its always been an effort to think about doing it. I divorced myself of the idea that I'd ever be a runner because it would just take too much work; so I won't do it. Now I'm inspired by a different prespective...that I could be a runner, but consciously think...about thinking. Allowing myself the freedom to do that.

Of course from here, there are a multitude of other perspectives to consider. I don't have to become a runner in order to think. I can think when I drive; shop; walk; compute, whatever. But I COULD be a runner...and start out slow...condition myself to take it in one day at a time...one moment at a time...build up endurance...and eventually I might call myself a thinking runner. :)

But with anything in this life, it takes time to grow into it; to acclimate; to work up to full potential. So many things are disregarded and set aside and just plain left alone without a second thought because its going to be too hard, and it might hurt. We look at the end, at what it would look like 'out there', and the process to getting there is too difficult so we just don't do it. How many potential runners are sitting on the couch? How many marriages failed because it was too much work? How many truly inspired musicians only hear the music in their head, but don't bridge the gap to composition?

We are given one breath, one moment, on day at a time. In this moment, I will commit to being satisfied with who I am, today...regardless of expectations of others...or even the unrealistic expecatations I have of myself. I'm a thinker, and I'm going to think, and in the process of allowing myself the freedom to think of the things I think, I'll be working on articulating my thoughts... like learning how to run, I likely won't have it all figured out and focused and channeled over night...but every day I'll be more clarified and clear and confident in my thinking abilities. I want to write a book. But I must write it one word, one page at a time.